I pooped kidneys.

[T3hRedMage]

Warning: You'll probably find this ridiculous and pointless.


However, I found it hilarious. ( Being 3:00 AM and just getting home ) Yesterday around 2:00 PM, I get a text from my my fag-hag Breanna telling me that she needs my help getting rid of this girl who is starting to get attached to her. She needs me to call her and give her some crazy excuse so she can drop her and come help me.

<Me> " OMG! Breanna! No! God, it hurts so bad! "

<Her> " Kyle?! Kyle?! Huh?! Kyle?! "

<Me> " Breanna! . . I don't have much time. . I poop out my kidneys. It's a mess. I need you here now! "

<Her> " Oh. My. God. Serious Business. I'll be right there. Let me get rid of Kelli. "

So, I figured my job was done. She text me to hang out immediately after so I was going to take a shower. While in the shower, I see that I get a missed phone call from her and I figured they both were on their way over here. I paniced.

<Me> " Oh no! What am I going to do? . . I have to poop out my kidneys. "

So I start fumbling around my house throwing things around looking for a clever way to poop out kidneys. I notice a bowl still full of halloween candy.. and I get a great idea.

I tie two milky way candy-bars ( still wrapped ) onto some shoe string. Then I make another one. The pants I'm wearing has a giant hole ripped right in the crotch, so I tie the string onto some of the thread that surrounds it. So the two milky way bars are swinging between my legs by shoe-string.

I didn't think that was good enough, so I poured a half bottle of Apple Juice on the ground, spilled some whole kernel corn, one hamburger pickle, a chipped up slice of salsa cheese, a Oakland Raiders Precious Moments doll, and a giant frownie face made of Ketchup on the floor for me to stand in.

My phone rang:

<Her> " Kyle! I'm on my way! I'm on my way! Hold on! "

<Me> " I can't be holdin' on! Bring a knife! I ain't got no time girl! "

So about 10 minutes later of watching the Scooby Doo movie on CN today, I hear a car door slam. I turn the TV up mega loud and get into position. By this time the floor is extremely sticky because of the applejuice and littered with Smarties plastic paper because I was bored waiting. So I am crouched, butt facing the door, stomping my feet so they're loud and sticky while screaming in pain. The milky way bars are like bouncing off the ground and swinging stuff everywhere.

She comes in with a giant maschete unsheathed and runs for me.

<Her> " My god! What happened? Please be okay! "

<Me> " Ahhh! Gentle! What are you doing? Gentle! One at a time! Oh. . "

Of course the maschete was dull and stupid, so I started screaming to get another knife. She returns with a pair of scissors..

<Me> " I said knife! THat's not going to work! Gwaaahh! " stomp, dance, stomp.

<Her> " .. Too late. "

So there I was, standing in a pool of applejuice, pickle, ketchup, whole korn and cheese with my shitty kidneys laying on the floor while still stringed to my body. There was a long moment of silence... then much mopping..

[Musekaze]

haha dude you have some serious issues. lmfao

[Protoss119]

That's...good to know?

[T3hRedMage]

I do stuff like that all the time. I was just proud of this one.